Anxiety.

     

       *takes a deep breath*

Anxiety. I have anxiety writing this, thinking about this, doing this.
I want to do this, I can do this and I will do this.

I wanted to just sit here and talk, talk about something serious, not about gigs, monthly favourites, photography, about me.

This blog, Jessica Rose, this online diary, is something I have always wanted to be honest and real with. I feel like sharing parts of my life with the internet is a fun but terrifying thing. I want to be able to look back at this diary that will be online forever. That can't be lost, burnt, or broken it always will be. Just like my anxiety.

Anxiety, is something everyone feels. We feel it before exams, at the dentist, before you do that power point presentation you've worked on for weeks, even before we send that risky text. We all experience that element of fear.

Imagine that feeling, imagine the fear.
Now imagine having that feeling in the middle of the street. Scary right?

Fear comes from everywhere. From spiders to the dark, there is fear. Imagine being scared of spending time with your friends, going on a train, looking in the mirror, imagine being scared of the world.
Anxiety makes you fear anything and everything, because it makes you feel like the world is a threat.

In 2012, I was intensely bullied. Nearly 3 years on, I'm affected everyday.
This isn't a sob story about me, this is the truth.

University is coming up for me, the fear of university is coming up for everyone.
Imagine that fear, the fear of moving away, making new friends, living alone. The fear of the unknown. Apply that to every day. Apply that fear to leaving the house, going shopping, going to the beach. Imagine the painful truth that you're scared to leave your house.

Anxiety.

Sometimes, life gets too much. Sometimes, I have to spend all day in bed because my body is too exhausted to move. Sometimes, I have to cancel plans no matter how excited I was, all because the fear has paralysed me.

My anxiety has put a strain on everyday of my life, from seeing friends, doing school work, looking after my skin, it's made simple tasks feel like I'm climbing a mountain.

I understand a lot of people, including people I am close too, don't understand the feeling of intense anxiety, which is one of the main reasons I'm talking about it, I know people from school read my blog, see my blog, talk about my blog which makes this post even more terrifying.

I want anyone reading this to sit back and think, think about your best friend, class mate, person you pass on the street, think about how they're feeling. They could be feeling any emotion, from happiness to sadness. Take a moment, think about how you could embrace their happiness or give them a little bit of your happiness to cheer up their day.

I know a lot of people, including myself, suffer behind closed doors and a simple text can make my day.

If you take anything from this, take this; anxiety, panic attacks, depression, anoxeria, schizophrenia and many more are all very real mental health conditions that anyone can suffer from no matter what, open your mind to those who need you to.

If you need any help, or want to read more about mental health issues Mind is a very helpful organisation:
http://www.mind.org.uk/