Anxiety.

     

       *takes a deep breath*

Anxiety. I have anxiety writing this, thinking about this, doing this.
I want to do this, I can do this and I will do this.

I wanted to just sit here and talk, talk about something serious, not about gigs, monthly favourites, photography, about me.

This blog, Jessica Rose, this online diary, is something I have always wanted to be honest and real with. I feel like sharing parts of my life with the internet is a fun but terrifying thing. I want to be able to look back at this diary that will be online forever. That can't be lost, burnt, or broken it always will be. Just like my anxiety.

Anxiety, is something everyone feels. We feel it before exams, at the dentist, before you do that power point presentation you've worked on for weeks, even before we send that risky text. We all experience that element of fear.

Imagine that feeling, imagine the fear.
Now imagine having that feeling in the middle of the street. Scary right?

Fear comes from everywhere. From spiders to the dark, there is fear. Imagine being scared of spending time with your friends, going on a train, looking in the mirror, imagine being scared of the world.
Anxiety makes you fear anything and everything, because it makes you feel like the world is a threat.

In 2012, I was intensely bullied. Nearly 3 years on, I'm affected everyday.
This isn't a sob story about me, this is the truth.

University is coming up for me, the fear of university is coming up for everyone.
Imagine that fear, the fear of moving away, making new friends, living alone. The fear of the unknown. Apply that to every day. Apply that fear to leaving the house, going shopping, going to the beach. Imagine the painful truth that you're scared to leave your house.

Anxiety.

Sometimes, life gets too much. Sometimes, I have to spend all day in bed because my body is too exhausted to move. Sometimes, I have to cancel plans no matter how excited I was, all because the fear has paralysed me.

My anxiety has put a strain on everyday of my life, from seeing friends, doing school work, looking after my skin, it's made simple tasks feel like I'm climbing a mountain.

I understand a lot of people, including people I am close too, don't understand the feeling of intense anxiety, which is one of the main reasons I'm talking about it, I know people from school read my blog, see my blog, talk about my blog which makes this post even more terrifying.

I want anyone reading this to sit back and think, think about your best friend, class mate, person you pass on the street, think about how they're feeling. They could be feeling any emotion, from happiness to sadness. Take a moment, think about how you could embrace their happiness or give them a little bit of your happiness to cheer up their day.

I know a lot of people, including myself, suffer behind closed doors and a simple text can make my day.

If you take anything from this, take this; anxiety, panic attacks, depression, anoxeria, schizophrenia and many more are all very real mental health conditions that anyone can suffer from no matter what, open your mind to those who need you to.

If you need any help, or want to read more about mental health issues Mind is a very helpful organisation:
http://www.mind.org.uk/

Trip To Edinburgh

This summer I have been visiting a lot of new places i've never been before, from Scarbrough to Manchester and now I took my adventure to Scotland. Somewhere I'd never been before eventhought it's about 2 hours away. Myself and Emily got in the car with her parents and drove up north to Edinbrugh. It was a weekend of insidences from forgetting the tent, ripping my pants, to sitting in chewing gum, turned out I had the worst luck possible on this trip.

I went to Edinbrugh to see The Vamps with Emily and my internet friend from Ireland Amy Clarke, who has done a blog post all about our Vamps experience as it was her first show she decided to blog it but I thought, it's my 8th so there isn't much point.
Amy's blog link - http://amyelizabethclarkee.blogspot.co.uk/2015/07/the-vamps-edinburgh-castle.html

I do want to point out that Bradley Will Simpson, aka the love of my life knows who I am and recognised me and due to us going wild in the seats that The Vamps and Union J couldn't stop watching us having the best time.
This is Amy's photo of Bradley WAVING AT ME #kbye

On the Friday evening myself, Emily and Amy decided to go out and explore Edinbrugh and of course I took my camera.

 

 Don't forget to check out Amy's blog post about our Vamps experience: http://amyelizabethclarkee.blogspot.co.uk/2015/07/the-vamps-edinburgh-castle.html

Out Of The Woods | Photography

When life gets a bit too much what do you do? Go out and take photos. 

Taylor Swift | 1989 Tour

First off I just want to apologise for this post being up so late, life's just getting on top of me.

As you can tell from the title I had the up most privilege of seeing Queen Taylor Swift herself, for the second time. Yeah I have no clue as to what I did do deserve this honour either.
The 5 of us took a trip down the Manchester on the 24th June 2015 to go and see her 1989 show in Manchester's Phones 4 U arena.

After 2 trains (3 if you count the metro) we finally arrived, I'd never been to Manchester so we decided to walk around, go to taco bell etc - blog post here
I really loved Manchester, everything was so unique looking with all the street art round every corner I would love to go back just for the photography.

The time finally came and we got ready and set off.
I have seen Taylor Swift before; last year on her Red tour but I had a feeling tonight could top that.

Her performance was utterly incredible, every member of the audience had been given a bracelet on their seat that was sync'd to her set, making the crowd light up to the beat.
Taylor crowds never fail, there was people dressed as cheerleaders, foxes, unicorns, ballerinas. There was light up posters, normal posters, it was just amazing. Myself and Hannah made a poster and I was kicking myself for not putting lights on it, but I still love it and we still got a few compliments on it.

I can't begin to explain how amazing the set was, I was sobbing before she'd even came on stage, the woman I was standing next to actually turned to me and said "I know you said you were going to cry but I didn't expect this" I simply replied "neither did I"
Since I was uncontrollably shaking I asked my friend Hannah to take some photos as well... I couldn't.

Why Is A Raven Like A Writing Desk

Prom, a chance for the whole year to get together, dress up, dance, sing and drink cocktails. It's also a chance for you to feel like princesses and princes.

My schools prom was Alice in Wonderland themed which I believe is such a cute, appropriate theme. Even if Alice isn't technically a princess.

Unfortunately, I couldn't make it to my prom due to anxiety reasons but I didn't let that stop my friends from being princesses for the night. I decided to play professional photographer and head down to Amy's to take some photos of them before they left for prom. 

Beth's dress was a white and pink backless number, whilst Lucy was in an all black just below the knee dress and Amy went for the classy white, with a slight textured pattern for hers. (Did I do a good job of describing?) all 3 girls looked absloutly stunning and from what I saw on Instagram so did everyone else.

I hope everyone enjoyed Prom,  here's some pictures of the princesses before they set off for Prom activities and cocktails.

Easy Summer Treats | DIY

The suns out, it's July, summer is here whether you like it or not. I'm going to show you some easy, like so easy, really tasty recipes to make in summer, for yourself or for your friends.

Starting off with a Strawberry Smoothie Slush thing...
For this recipe you need 3 ingredients:

• Strawberries
• Ice
• Lemonade

Oh and a blender would be useful.

Start off buy putting everything in a blender and then blend. Quantities don't matter lets be real.

Now you're ready to serve your Strawberry Slush! This simple recipe is quick, easy and delicious and a perfect cool me down in the heat we've been having in the UK recently. 

The next treat is perfect for a summer evening, after a BBQ, round a fire or simply in your house.
Smores. If you're American this is nothing new, but for us Brits its the best thing since the invention of Bangers and Mash.

The way I created my smores was with 2 ingredients:

• Chocolate Digestives
• Marshmallows 

It can also be made with:

• Plain Digestives
• Chocolate pieces
• Marshmallows

But im lazy so I cut out the middle man and got chocolate digestives. Less messy. 

What you do to make these smores is. 

Melt the marshmallow, usually on a fire/BBQ but it was raining so I put my gas on a very low setting and did it quickly that way. (I don't recommend this, desperate times called for desperate measures.)

Once the marshmallows are all googey and stuff put them in the middle of 2 biscuits to create a marshmallow sandwich. Bamn Smores. You're welcome.  

Now go and have a great summer with your cute treats and impress your friends with your culinary master pieces. I won't tell them they took 10 seconds if you don't.